Listening to life's wonders

Thursday, July 22, 2010

+Dont know why+

ive just started posting just recently after months bein MIA..i dont think anyone reads my blog anymore..which is awesome coz i wont feel self conscious..its the worst feeling to get when you blog(abit like accidently befriending your mom on facebook, and ure more weary when you update your status. When I blog, I'd hate it if you saw me and quote things off my blog and ask me why I feel or say things. I just do..just dont ask..

Truth: I hate my birthdays. I feel the crapiest on my birthday. I dont know why... Im happy on the eve of it ...up till the very second when the clock strikes 12..the only thing I'll feel like doing from 12:01..and for the next 24 hours...is cry.. I dont know why...So knowing this..about myself..I always get myself ready.. Not with a box 3ply royal gold facial supremes..(fact: I dont like crying) but a gift..the most random and sometimes expensive toy...this year..it was a batmobile.. from the 1989 movie...the awesomemesss!!!
Woke up, sahur...mandi then sholat subuh..then unwrapped my gift...stared at it..pretend im actually touching it...(fact:i stroke the box and a shadow casts on the batmobile itself..looks like im touching it but im not..) but I mentioned i unwrapped it..why cant I still touch it? you're crazy if you think im taking a limited edition Elite hotweels Batmobile from the 1989 movie out of its friggin box!.. i stared at it till i fell asleep. owh did i mention i had to fast on my birthday?? no..its not some religious thing..bayar hutang! and i gez one other gift i could give myself is beeing free from hutang puase...

Why do I go thru all this trouble? I dont know.. i figured only I can make ME feel the way I want to..I dunt need anyone else..or do i? I do like feeling I am somewhat important to some pple..and i gez on your birthday..tts what friends are for right? I pretend the dozen wishes on facebook actually helps..but it doesnt..grateful but no..does not help at all...wish it did tho..half a day gone..an unwrapped gift and i still felt like crying.. so i decided i should go visit the library..i thought...its soo boring there..the only thing i'll probably feel like doing is sleeep..not cry..I found my 'The School of Essential Ingredients". Read it.. left 3 more chapters.. Helen, Ian and the Epilogue. While reading it I dozed of a bit.. woke up..refreshed...(turns out it wasnt just the normal dozing off...it was a mini power nap) no more sleepy eyes after tt..dang! n my tears start welling up after tt.. had to stop.. sheesh! i was in a library for gods sake...plus i was fasting..not suppose to cry when u're fasting..not suppose to cry at all! Time didnt allow me to finish it.. need to buke puase! I decided against taking a bus coz i feel cheated whenever i take 291 now..the whole pay by distance things sucks when the bus ure taking is suppose to be a 'fidder' bus..(or whatevr u call those bus that only travels ard a neighbourhood then back to the interchange.. making continuous loops ard tampines only!) im sure THAT would definitely make me cry.. so i walked.. the air was cool.. it wasnt raining.. it wsant hot.. just nice..it felt nice.. i didnt feel like crying all the way till I reached home.. then the tears again.... (sounds like an emotionally unstable person here) i was looking through friges and freezers to see what i can eat.. and my eyes start welling up again! "Why?!" I screamed in my head. and it stopped. I waited..heated some food...waited and ate...did my prayers..watched Dexter and CSI..and as soon as the next day arrived, 12:01, I was fine again..

now im fine

i think

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|10:51 PM|

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

+Wait+

Been waiting for this day all my life..What Im feeling today is not what I had expected.I feel lost and confused and somewhat pathetic. I'd never seriously ask pple to get me what I WANT..i can give myself that...if you knew me.. you'd give me what I NEED.
For example.. I WANT a batmobile..Ive got it gift wrapped on my shelf..waiting...

I dont know what I NEED.. you tell me..

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|12:38 AM|

Monday, March 29, 2010

+neglected once again+

i feel like i have neglected you once again...left you all alone..
i'd say that there wasnt a day i didnt think about you, but i'd be lying.
I left you for a sketchbook slash diary thing...when i first bought it, it was clean, black and thick with neatly pressed pages. now it looks overused even though Ive not even filled half of it.. its once black cover is in the gloomiest shade of grey, not like the grey u get from shadows cast whenever the sun rises or sets. it is no longer a big secret as to what makes the cover so hard and sturdy as the corners now expose the layers of brown something that together makes a thick cardboard. the spine once looked like a half peeled banana ,now also naked, baring the thread that holds the book together.

You should feel lucky that u didnt have to go through the abuse the book did..or shouldnt you? You werent able to be there like the book has.

er ok.

tts done..

i was feeling feeling like i was writing a book or smtg.. coz i went to the lib just now..now i feel like becoming and author.. not soo good with the descriptive or with spelling for tt case..

i went out with suzie sahar.. one of my best friends..
(will get back to thislater)

saturday night we went to arab street..nasreen?? or smtg..nad seemed so confident.. not out of place at all.. like a regular lykdat.. haha.. knew evrything to say..good for her.. been there a couple of times.. tak ajak! thanx nad! haha.. but not my kind of thing really..

i dun like Mediterranean cuisine because they like to mix spices and dairy products..like yogurt i just dont like the idea of using yogurt in a meat dish....i also dun really like some western dishes..smelling a dish of fish and chips always made me nauseous..so does chicken cutlet..farna and fahmi ordered those respectively ..but i couldnt say no to trying some..coz imsofat..and i cannot say no to food even tho i know its gonna make me throw up later at night..heh..

i just like seeing all my friends together.. i can go all night without talking and just absorbing the moment of togetherness..i always feel like its gonna be the last we'll ever sit together again..with our lives being so different from each others....changes makes me sad..but I AM ADAPTABLE and I WILL ADAPT!

errghhh!

anihuss.. i went to the lib with suzie sahar.. i borrowed books...3 books..such a coincidence it was..tht we borrowed the same book.. the lemur.. even funnier is the story of wht attracted us to the book..

suzie: i was attracted by the cover.
me: i touched it only coz the spine was outstanding.. being thin and all..(im all for thin books.. coz thick one are intimidating)
then i loved how the edges of the pages seemed like they were torn..uneven and crooked..

haha..

it took him about...me reading about a third of a book titled 'school of essential ingredients' ..which is long i think to find the 3 books that he has now borrowed.. i didnt like how quite the library was.. it always distracts me from my book.. my mind wanders of partnering with my two ears in search of the littlest sounds made..shuffling feet agianst the carpeted floors made me imagine if everyone were wearing just socks, they would be creating static electricity..enough to mayb light the whole 2nd floor of the library.. or maybe just the fiction section which is the room we were in...

then we headed to.."fahmi wanna go ikea?" "err i tot of eating banquet simei"

so we went...to banquet.. no surprise there..why? u'd have to ask my black diary which i named cooper..

hahaha..

er nervous laughter..

ok im done..

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|10:49 PM|

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

+dusting+

as i sighed at the thought of my current pathetic state, i saw dusts flying...off my dusty old blog. as thick as my nyai's carpet, it feels like it might have been lightyears since ive blogged..

why pathetic, u ask?

i am an unemployed graduate...lazying ard, fuelling on artery clogging chicken nuggets, chicken sausages and chicken wrapped in seeweed thingis....as i drool at the thought of a delicious plate of fried chicken bits in every shape and form, i also feel my bon bons growing...then i imagine it doesnt stop growing. it gets bigger and explodes.. one day i tell ya...

i am an unemployed graduate
whos only plan is to be an art teacher. an educator to our future leaders. what have i done to achieve this plan, u ask? i've submitted forms for relief teaching and allied teaching, and im now waiting for the BA arts education application to open, so i can quickly apply..so rite now..im just waiting..

i'll be flying off to surabaya soon, the day after the application opens

and i also sent an angry text to my longest and best friend,mya. I told her i was hurt from her always setting me up for dissapointment, time after time...it made me cry. i shed a tear and told myself i had to move on.. shes busy with her life.. i have no life....its my time to feel crappy for bein unsure about my future....ill cry if i want to...

i told suzie i might even stay in surabaya forever...teach in a sch or smtg....i wasnt joking..

who'd miss me anyways?

i knoe id miss a few things...internet, and.....the internet...

of coz ill end up usin it for FB only... i dunt need to blog coz i have cooper now. my black book of secrets...nahh.. its just a journal..ala Vampire Diaries...of coz i had it b4 i heard there was such a drama series..

i wonder wat surabaya is like? will i like it? love it?

love it enough to leave spore for good. the only person i'll say goodbye to is........

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|1:35 AM|

Thursday, December 31, 2009

+er+

ive not blogged for a gazillion days and when i finally do, i decided to blogg about my own butt??
clearly, i am still insane

New years eve celebration...no plan..

i have missed my poly friends.
i miss school..

still.

i have nothing

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|5:31 PM|

+that thangg+

that "THANG" i got behind me is amazing?

err..

im listening to Body Language, pretty boy and nappy boy collaboration..
i say that in all awkwardness..err..

it IS pretty "amazing" but i wish it was smaller.

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|5:26 PM|

Sunday, November 22, 2009

+So I did.+

So I drove to sentosa yesterday. Late at night, there's really ntg there. Creepehh. Yes!

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|7:32 PM|

Thursday, November 12, 2009

+love today+

first time i went to SPCA.. not as far as i thought.. "lerrr" moment for awhile jenow..

then to farmway..

but first...

a hotdog and soft drink

then

a craving..for chicken winggggsss*que dance*

but to farmway we went..

lotsa doggs..got fish also..no cats..find out theres 'prawning' there..looks abit dodgy...like they feed the sea creatures beer likedat..

then the random part.

feed fish...just one dollar pple..if u want fishies to eat food off ur hands..feel the suction thingiss..at kampong kids kids kampong..dunno the name.. thats just been in my head the whole day..i wanted to say it aloud but it sounded too funny in my head i didnt want to share it with mya and habeer..zubeer? kabir lahhh....

lerrr

i seriously thought tt place was history...till i saw tt sign..brought back my childhood memories..fishing for lame fishes in a longkang...wait for the man to pour more fishes in jerrr...not like a real longkang of coz..this half tuby thingis that look like miniature skate ramps filled with water and baby fishes..

then off to fulfill our craving for chicken winggggsss*que dance**

then off to bowling...

bowling, u ask? my, that is also random..the price has gone bloddy up since we last went there and thats less than half a year ago..but having our chicken winggs there was like energy food.. we so called 'longkang' bowlers surprisingly managed to get spares and lottssa strikes..lucky mya and habeer....its the chicken i tell ya...chicken winggggssss*que dance*

then off to haokangg...

who lives there u ask?

mya's friend..

"but...u say?stunned, are ya?"

yess there's young pple living there too..

[[ Rohani Breaks The History ]]*|12:40 AM|